What do you do with a drunken sailor?

Argh Matees!

Me WiFi finally started working out here in the middle of the Indian Ocean! And it is about time! So I've decided to catch you up on how things have been going...

We picked up a new plank on Papua New Guinea (the prices for planks on Papua Old Guinea were through the thatched roof!!). It has that certain bounce, in other words, it really adds a spring to ones step. And you can't be going around marauding with a weak plank!

Our class action lawsuit against the music and movie recording industries for misuse of the term 'piracy' is going along well, we finally found a lawyer who would take the case. However, he/she/it/they/neither/both/all/none has asked to be paid in Spanish Dubloons, and we "have no knowledge of the whereabouts of any Dubloons". So if any of you Junior Pirates have any ideas of where to find Dubloons, then contact me at ****24@********.***.

We have acquired three new crewpersons to fill the posted job announcements of several months ago, so applicants need not send in any more applications.

My book of original writings was recently released, it is titled "Amateurs and Prose" and is available at your local Baaarrrrnes and Nobel Bookstore.

Harpoonperson Jones caught a 213 lb. swordfish in February with an 85 lb. test line and an 8 ft. pole. The folks from the Guinness World Records came by and we all got drunk. In fact, we got so slithered that we all forgot why they were there and so when it was "time for them to go", we put them out in a dinghy with five pounds of sardines and an 8 ft. pole with 85 lb. test line....

For Crewman Smee's 21st birthday we went baaarrrrhopping! It was off the jib line!

Lastly, Young Davy Jones is growing up before our very eyes. He is going to be just like his father, only a better swimmer, although that is not saying much! Thankfully he is illiterate and won't be reading this blog post.

sinSEArly,

Gorton, Seaman Extraordinaire